


The Land of Humans and Trolls

by Arsenic Sulphide (Mockedbird), TheAvengineer



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Fan Adventure, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-20
Updated: 2013-06-21
Packaged: 2017-12-15 13:29:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/850079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mockedbird/pseuds/Arsenic%20Sulphide, https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAvengineer/pseuds/TheAvengineer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just a Homestuck Fanfiction with two authors - details the paired adventures of a group of humans and a group of trolls who end up in the same session together, and the struggles they encounter therein.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue - 1

 

Everything was green, and it felt like he was lying in a pool. He couldn't remember his name, how he'd gotten himself to the situation he was in – nevermind any knowledge of what he was seeing. Everything ached, nothing seemed to feel in place, and an infernal ringing filled his ears, and pain rippled across his skull. All he could smell was blood, and with all his other senses seemingly lost, the troll wished he could navigate by taste. If only.

After taking his time coming to the realization that lying there was of no help to him, the troll discovered a few things; the first was that he could still move his arms, which he exploited to push himself into a sitting position. The second, following this, was that his arms were not exempt from the omnipermeating soreness that he felt. The third being that he felt wetness and smelt blood for the ground beneath him being drenched with his blood, as well as for his broken nose. The fourth; the greenness was grass, and all throughout it were the ruins of a tower he vaguely recalled from his past – though he could not say how near or far to the past it was.

He was sitting in a wide clearing, large chunks of shattered stone blocks scattered about him, and a tiny portion of the tower they composed, reaching for the sky it once thrust into. He looked about, climbing to his feet, and his attention was caught by a noise. His eyes locked on a small, purple rectangle – of course, his wireless communication device! He was quick to move over, dropping to a knee to examine it. It seemed fine, and a conversation was displayed on screen, his partner's text a rather dull yellow, his own a glourious purple. The troll swiped through it quickly, before the device emitted another noise, and a fresh message popped up at the bottom of the log.

 

* * *

 

[22:54] CC: ]/|>[ Δnd +hen you...

[22:54] CC: ]/|>[ WΔs I jus+ rΔmbling on for no bloody reΔson?

[22:54] CC: ]/|>[ Don'+ mΔke me repeΔ+ Δll +he shi+ I jus+ sΔid.

[23:02] CC: ]/|>[ Fuck you're online bu+ no+.

[23:11] CC: ]/|>[ Don'+ pull +his shi+ wi+h me ΔgΔin, Kazree.

[23:19] CC: ]/|>[ My moni+or's hΔving +he +ime of i+'s life Δnd isn'+ showing me shi+Δll.

[23:19] CC: ]/|>[ I'm gonnΔ res+Δr+ +his bloody +hing.

\-- certifiedCreator [CC] gave up trolling adheringAltruist [AA] at 23:19 --

* * *

 

 

Kazree. A good start to recovering his current predicament was his name. He started to tap at his device, pausing for a moment afterward to wipe the blood from his hands and the smears of it from his screen. Perhaps he should have thought about his hands before he touched his communicator. He tapped away at the thing, the worn 1 key tapping awkwardly each time he hits it – far too often in all fairness.

 

* * *

 

[01:32] AA: //oH, tHANK tHE fUCK1I1NG aNCE5TOR5\\\

[01:33] CC: ]/|>[ Fucking bΔlls where +he fuck were you?

[01:33] AA: //1i1 5AW mY cOMMUN1I1CAT1I1ON dEV1I1CE lY1I1NG tHERE aND hOPED 1i1T wOULD wORK bUT\\\

[01:33] AA: //1i1 dON't fUCK1I1NG kNOW\\\

[01:33] CC: ]/|>[ Geez, you're no+ +oo brigh+, Δre you?

[01:33] AA: //mY tH1I1NKPAN'5 aLL fUCKED uP\\\

[01:34] AA: //1i1'm lY1I1NG 1i1N a f1I1ELD oF dEBR1I15, aND tHERE'5 wRECKAGE aLL oVER tHE fUCK1I1NG pLACE\\\

[01:34] AA: //5O k1I1NDLY gO aND gET fUCK1I1NG 5TUFFED, lOWBLOOD\\\

[01:34] CC: ]/|>[ I'd glΔdly ge+ s+uffed bu+ I'm +oo busy +Δking cΔre of your Δrse.

[01:34] AA: //rEM1I1ND mE wHAT 1i1 wA5 dO1I1NG\\\

[01:34] AA: //1i1'm nOT rEAD1I1NG tHROUGH aLL oF tHAT cHATLOG\\\

[01:34] CC: ]/|>[ Δnd +here isn'+ Δ bi+ of Δlcohol +o dull +he pΔin of deΔling wi+h you.

[01:34] AA: //yOU rAMBLE tOO mUCH\\\

[01:35] CC: ]/|>[ In +he shor+es+ +erms.

[01:35] CC: ]/|>[ You... shi+ le+ me check.

[01:35] CC: ]/|>[ I'm no+ even drunk Δnd becΔuse of your s+upidi+y, I'm hΔving +rouble +hinking.

[01:37] CC: ]/|>[ Oh yeΔh, you were +rying +o no+ die. You're doing Δ greΔ+ job so fΔr!

[01:37] AA: //oH, fUCK\\\

[01:37] AA: //mETEOR r1I1GHT?\\\

[01:37] CC: ]/|>[ No, Δ piece of murderous Δnd firey furni+ure.

[01:38] AA: //yOUR 5ARCA5M 1i15 uNAMU51I1NG.\\\

[01:38] CC: ]/|>[ Δl+hough nei+her of +hose Δre +echnicΔlly +ru+hs - i+ wΔs Δ come+. I+ would've been Δ dΔmn beΔu+iful end Δ+ leΔs+.

[01:38] CC: ]/|>[ Big fucking +Δil Δnd whΔ+no+.

[01:39] AA: //1i1 tH1I1NK 1i1 jU5T l1I1VED 1i1T, 5O eXCU5E mE 1i1F 1i1 d1I15AGREE.\\\

[01:39] CC: ]/|>[ Well you lived underground so I'm surprised you s+ill hΔve eyes +o use.

[01:40] AA: //eVOLUT1I1ON dOE5N't hAPPEN 1i1N a l1I1FET1I1ME, 5H1I1THEAD. g1I1VE mE a m1I1NUTE.\\\

[01:40] CC: ]/|>[ Δlrigh+.

* * *

 

 

Kazree stretched out and flexed his back, aiming to work out the kinks and soreness which had instilled themselves into his body as he lie on the cold ground. He reached down, opening one of the pockets on his short black trousers that cut off just below his knees and dropped his communicator into them. He looked up over the treetops, towards the shattered remnants of the tower that stood as though a blade thrusting into the sky. His fingers found themselves opposite eachother on the bridge of his nose, and his eyes closed as he sighed. Tonight was going to be a long day.

The trees between himself and the tower looked entirely too thick to try to trek through but he couldn't have any reservations; his experiences thus far had clearly shown that. He tightened his hand around his glaive as it came into being from his Strife Specibus, the polished wooden haft ending in a simple blade, more a weapon of effect than appearance. He took his first steps into this brave new world, into the forests and towards his home.


	2. Prologue - 2

Everything was pitch black, as the youthful sir opened his eyes from a deep, rejuvenating sleep. He was far too groggy to even consider a thought about his name, nevermind consider the whole idea of leaving the comfort of his luxurious bed. Every single muscle in his body felt like it had just descended from heaven, and were he not still woefully tired, he’d be up, alert, and taking on the bountiful day as always. He almost felt bad for those not as gifted as him.

After laying there for a good five minutes, he rose from his bed, striding confidently over to his top-of-the-line computer, pressing the power button. He couldn’t help but smile, admiring his room once again. On the wall to his left, there was his many ornamental suits of armour and his countless Estocs, all their points sharpened daily. On the wall behind him was his large king-sized bed, verdant and cream, as he preferred with most of his things. There was also his large dresser and bedside table, an ornate alarm clock having gone off… over five hours ago. Oh bother - he’d be late to rise. Oh well, fourteen-thirty was by no means a bad time to wake.

On his wall to the right was firstly the door that lead out to the long hallway, and, closer to his bed, another door, leading to his own bathroom. A few family photos were strewn about, but he cared little for those – the only person he talked with ever was Alphonse, his butler. Unlike most butlers, he considered Alphonse almost a father to him. The young man would likely call up Alphonse to deliver him a nice lunch, and then perhaps enjoy a good hour of fencing with him. Good butler, best fencer.

When it came to the wall he himself was facing, there was most noticeably his large computer, as powerful and rugged as can be. It was nearly a marvel of technology. More importantly, there were a multitude of pictures of not only himself, but his dear (albeit mildly loony) flower, ones she had been oh so kind to send. He sighed. Someday, he’d meet her. He could not wait for that day.

Embarrassing exposition aside, he continued fiddling with his computer, starting up everything he needed to, his Pesterchum going off in the background. He decided to ignore it as he read the news of the day, as well as read over a number of interesting yet funny articles from Torn.com. Canada’s best humour site indeed.

Looking at his Pesterchum, he quickly realized his error. Egads! He promptly read over the text, making a move to respond quickly.

 

* * *

 

[13:39] -- crazyAwesome [CA] began pestering antagonisticCollaborator [AC] at 13:39 --

[13:39] CA: Hey Mike!

[13:41] CA: Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike #Mike!

[13:43] CA: Sburb today! #Sburb Like do you even know what this means? #:3

[13:44] CA: Are you there?

[13:45] CA: Mike?

[13:47] CA: Mike?

[13:49] CA: Mike?

[13:50] CA: Look at my #pretty colours Mike!

[13:50] CA: :3

[14:03] AC: What the hell do you mean 'Sburb today'?

[14:04] CA: Sburb! Today! Didn't #you get your copy?

[14:04] AC: No...

[14:04] CA: Check your mail :3

[14:04] CA: DoIt DoIt DoIt DoIt DoIt DoIt #DoIt DoIt DoIt DoIt DoIt

[14:04] AC: I bloody fucking did! Bastards can't send mail if they fucking wanted to.

[14:05] CA: Check again

[14:05] CA: Check Check Check Check #Check

[14:05] AC: I'll get Alphonse to check.

[14:05] AC: I'm too busy ordering some new stuff online.

[14:05] CA: No! #Go now! #Check yourself, lazybum :3

[14:05] AC: And writing out a complaint.

[14:05] AC: Alphonse is already half-way there you nincompoop.

[14:06] CA: Are you #hoping it's there?

[14:06] AC: If it's not then I'm considering suing them.

[14:06] CA: Yay! That's hope by Mike's stupid #prep standards!

[14:06] AC: Overpaid bastards who take everything for granted.

[14:06] CA: Heheh. Irony

[14:07] AC: And what do you fucking mean '#prep standards'?

[14:07] AC: Are you bloody toying with me?

[14:07] CA: Specifically it was 'stupid #prep standards'

[14:07] AC: Goddamn you're so confusing sometimes.

[14:07] CA: I'm just random :3

[14:08] AC: Bloody insane more like.

[14:09] AC: Do you like eat five bags of sugar in the morning?

[14:09] CA: Oh my god I should!

[14:09] AC: Bugger me...

[14:09] CA: Is he back? Did you get it?

[14:09] AC: He's not back. Not yet.

[14:10] AC: This isn't a small house like the humble little abode I presume you live in.

[14:10] CA: My house is nice and cozy and warm :3

[14:10] AC: Ugh.

[14:11] CA: Ooh! #Are #we #making upset noises?

[14:11] CA: Meh

[14:12] AC: More noises of absolute destestment.

[14:13] CA: Bleh

[14:13] AC: God I hate it when you mock me.

[14:13] CA: Blah

[14:13] AC: You're going to continue aren't you?

[14:13] CA: Eugh

[14:14] AC: God kill me where I stand.

[14:16] CA: Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

[14:16] CA: Don't you love being my #friend? Aren't I #fun? #:3

[14:16] AC: You are fun when you're not frustrating.

[14:16] AC: And not begging for money and shitty things off of eBay.

[14:17] AC: What the fuck were those electric cat ears even for?

[14:17] AC: ... Do I want to know?

[14:18] CA: That's #mean

[14:18] CA: I don't beg for things.

[14:18] CA: You're just nice and know when I want things.

[14:18] AC: I know because you ask about fifty fucking times a day.

[14:18] CA: I #wish I could make #a sad cat face but I

[14:18] CA: don't #know #how.

[14:19] AC: Ugh...

[14:19] CA: Meh...

[14:21] AC: Is there any appropriate means of displaying a sigh over the internet?

[14:23] CA: Yes

[14:23] CA: '#sigh'

[14:23] CA: :3

[14:23] AC: Very well then.

[14:24] AC: 'Sigh.'

[14:25] AC: Apparently the mailmen just came with the package.

[14:25] CA: :3

[14:25] AC: If it's not the game and it's one of those stupid things you enjoy sending me I swear on everything holy...

* * *

 

 

            And with that, he headed off to check the box, eager to see what goodies lay inside. Giving a curt nod to Alphonse, he grabbed a small knife, cutting open the tape holding the box together. Lo and behold, within its bindings, was a copy of SBurb. He was getting it today. A smirk rose upon his face, and he made sure to check multiple times to ensure he had everything. A short while later, he returned to announce his receiving of the goods to Michelle.

 

* * *

[14:26] CA: You don't like my pretty cardboard cats?

[14:28] CA: Well fine then, I'll just stop sending them!

[14:30] CA: ...You're not supposed #to be okay with that.

[14:31] CA: You're making me sad Mike.

[14:31] CA: :(

[14:31] CA: Fine.

[14:31] -- crazyAwesome [CA] ceased pestering antagonisticCollaborator [AC] at 14:31 --

[14:31] -- crazyAwesome [CA] changed their mood to OFFLINE –

[14:41] AC: ... Oh fuck me with a straight razor.

[14:42] -- antagonisticCollaborator [AC] ceased pestering crazyAwesome [CA] at 14:42 –

* * *

 

 

Nope, that was not him feeling like somebody stabbed him five times. No siree. Holding a stoic expression as though in fact nothing bad had happened to him, he continued on with his preparations, putting the disk into his computer. With the SBurb logo showing up on his screen, little did he know how fucked up a game this would prove to be.


End file.
